Characters

Born in 1978 in Effingham, Illinois, Gilsby Jacko Kaggagagey was born a poor artisanal cheese maker’s boy. In his teens, though still having to get up at 4 a.m. every day to milk his parents, he managed to obtain an education at the Lake Land Community College in Mattoon. His first job after college was selling correspondence courses to cattle, from which he moved on to selling bacon, soap, and lard for the Bacon, Soap & Lard Company. He was successful to the point of making his sales territory of North-South-Easterly Billings, Montana, the state’s regional leader for the firm.

After saving $1,500, Gil Kaggis quit sales in 1991 in order to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a choir teacher for wayward dogs. This career was a horrible decision. So, in 1992 Gil pursued his second-life, lifelong dream of becoming a Tony Robbins lecturer. It turns out Tony Robbins did not need to be lectured. So, Gil ended up instead attending the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York. He found little success as an actor, though it is written that he played the role of Understudy #3 in a road show of his original adaptation of the Lewis Carol ALICE books “Rabid Rabbit’s Raisins.” When the production ended, he returned to New York, unemployed, completely broke, and living in the attic of a pizzeria on 18th Street. There he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the pizzeria manager to allow him to instruct a class in the attic in return for 100% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material in 6 minutes. Improvising, he suggested that students speak about “something that made them angry”, and discovered that his program made everyone angry. He also discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience. From this 1992 début, the Gil Kaggis Course evolved. Kaggis had tapped into the average American’s desire to have more self-confidence, and by 1994, he was earning $1,500 every week.

By 1996, Gil was able to rent “Kaggis Hall” (a nickname the pizzeria owner gave to the bathroom) for a lecture to a packed house of unsuspecting attendants. Kaggis’s first collection of his writings was Five Hints to Better Brainstorming Sessions sold almost 200 copies worldwide. His crowning achievement, however, was his 14th self-published book titled Empathetic Leadership: Getting to the Heart of People with Heart. The book was a bestseller in the Falkland Islands in its 47th re-write, in 2014. By the time of Kaggis’s future death, Gil predicts that the book will probably sell something like five hundred million copies in 4,000 languages, and there will likely be 1,000,000 graduates of his Gil Kaggis Institution of Adult Leadership, to be built on or before 2030.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Bon Vivant Gourmet (aka ““Bob” ”) was born December 26, 1976, as an American chef and the executive chef and part-owner of the restaurant Bacon Banjo. He has appeared in auditions for Iron Chef Honduras and Iron Chef Americans. He was almost also a contestant on The Next Iron Chef, eliminated in the audition test, “Thunder Under Boy Wonder”. He currently hosts the PBS Rhode Island cooking show  The Bon Vivant Gourmet.

““Bob” ” and his twin brother Paulo-RoDonald, an attorney for attorneys in New York City, were born in 1976, in  (location link) Effingham Illinois, the sons of Andy Cutright (Facebook link), a restaurateur and the author of several cookbooks, including the latest “The Chef With Nine Fingers”. ““Bob” began cooking at an early age, helping his mother prepare traditional American simple foods for her catering business. In 1984, the family moved to Shumway, Illinois and his mother launched the acclaimed Crafty Café, and “Bob” began to cook in a professional kitchen. At age 16, “Bob” was cooking at a level that earned him a place in a master class with chef Frank Janisch. In 1994, “Bob” graduated from high school, and began to work full time for Janisch in New Orleans.

In 1996, after working under Janisch, “Bob” returned north to study culinary arts at Johnson & Wales University in Providence, Rhode Island. In 1994, he returned to Effingham, and worked in the kitchen at Piloncillo under nuevo-Latino chef, Corey McDaniel. “Bob” met his future business partner, Kendall Case while working there. Reviews were pretty positive for the most part, referring to the restaurant as “desirable” and “earthy,” and “the fare is enticingly simple, and the kitchen’s best dishes make a fine introduction to the cooking of The Bon Vivant Gourmet.”^[2]

“Bob” moved to Los Angeles, working under Chef Mathew Woolf at The Hotel Angeleno, before returning to Effingham to be executive chef at BoKay, which specialized in foods from the soul.

Charna Halpern brought “Bob” to Chicago in 2000, to open “Yes Cheese”, a pan-Latin-American-Jewish-influenced restaurant inside of an improv “comedy” club.  It opened in February, 2001, and won Time Out New York‘s award for Best New Restaurant Inside Of An Improv “Comedy” Club Restaurant that year. ”Bob” sold his interest in the Yes Cheese restaurant in 2010 and currently hosts the PBS Rhode Island cooking show The Bon Vivant Gourmet.

Sheck “Shecky” Kulhan was born on June 19, 1887, in Bensonhurst, New York, a small Jewish community on the outskirts of Brooklyn.  Shecky was the fourth eldest of twenty-one brothers.  Shecky never completed a formal education.  In 1906 at the Vitagraph Studios in Brooklyn he earned his entry into film making by running errands for the errand runners of the performers. His persistence paid off, and he soon appeared as extra in films with such stars of the time as John Bunny, Flora Finch, and Earle William.  It was also in 1906 that Shecky met legendary Vaudevillian, Hap “Happy” Harrison.  Hap became Shecky’s mentor and close friend, and in the summer of 1907 they both joined Bernadette Klosterman’s aquatic burlesque act as “cheap whores.”  However, this job only lasted through the summer.  After a separation, Shecky renewed his acquaintance with Hap Harrison in 1912 and together they formed a partnership, which would last, with a few short brakes, for almost 1 full year.  After studying with Vaudeville’s legendary Hap Harrison, Shecky went on to become the most respected and famous prop comic of his time.  After sealing his reputation as “The Greatest Prop Comic of His Time” (New York Times, Arts & Entertainment, P.6, 1922), Shecky went on to open Shecky’s Prop Olympics, in Brooklyn, NY.  There he went on to teach the secrets of prop comedy to such comedians as WC Fields, Buster Keaton, and Morris Feinberg, Larry Fine and Curly Howard, better known as The 3 Stooges.  He also directed The 3 Stooges in the prop comedy

portion of the Vaudeville smash hit, “A Mid Summer’s Night in Venice.”  Though

Shecky loved his prop comedy school, he always considered the tutelage of his son, Shecky Kulhan II, to be his greatest accomplishment.

Upon Shecky Kulhan’s death from syphilis in 1952, his son, Shecky Kulhan II harvested the family run business of Shecky’s Prop Olympics.  It was also in 1972 that Shecky met legendary entertainer Shreeman Showman.  Shecky became Shreeman’s mentor and close friend, and in the summer of 1972 they both entertained Shecky’s Prop Olympics, Catskills, as the famed team “Shecky & Shreeman”.  However, this job only lasted through the summer and Shecky and Shreeman became mortal enemies.  In the mid 1970’s, Shecky expanded Shecky’s Prop Olympics nationwide by creating a chain of prop comedy clubs.  He opened Shecky’s Prop Olympics West in LA, Shecky’s Prop Olympics 2^nd City in Chicago, Shecky’s Prop Olympics South in Atlanta, and Shecky’s Prop Olympics Houston, in Dallas.  With the days of Vaudeville long gone and America’s desire for prop comedy non-existent, expansion for Shecky’s Prop Olympics was foolish.  Falling on financial troubles, Shecky closed all clubs, with the exception of the original Shecky’s Prop Olympics, after only 7 months.  After the failed expansion, Shecky focused entirely on the club that started it all, Shecky’s Prop Olympics, which was just as popular in the 1970’s as it was in the 1960’s!  In the 1990’s, Shecky co-authored three books: Truth in Prop Comedy, Prop Comedy by Committee, and Prop Comedy and the Fall of the Roman Empire.  In his life, Shecky Kulhan II taught prop comedy to such comedic greats as Carol Burnett, Steve Martin, Howie Mandel, Gallager and Carrot Top, but he always considered the tutelage of his son, Shecky Kulhan III, to be his greatest accomplishment.  (Continued on next page…)

Upon Shecky Kulhan II’s death from syphilis in 1997, Shecky Kulhan III took the reigns of Shecky’s Prop Olympics and started a new brand of prop comedy – prop comedy for the new millennium; and from there he emerged to become the most respected and famous prop comic of all time.  Shecky was the first prop comedian to sell out Radio City Music Hall; he was the first prop comedian to sell out Red Rock; and he was the first prop comedian to sell out Chicago’s Comiskey Park.  After sealing his reputation as “The World’s Greatest Prop Comic” (New York Times, Arts & Entertainment, P.6, 2002 & 2005), Shecky isolated himself in the hills of North Dakota to reach deep inside and “find the prop comedy from within.”  And now, after three years of isolated fine-tuning, Shecky Kulhan III brings the Shecky Kulhan komedy stylings to you, for a limited engagement prop-comedy-explosaganza!

Where did Bing come from? 

Legend has it that he was created when a supernova gave birth to the Non-Denominational Holiday Star, and the dust from this explosion stayed together and landed on Earth in the form of a manchild… Bing Faithful.

Another rumor has it that his spirit was forged by elves in the hearth of Santa’s workshop for adults toys…

And some have even whispered that he sprang to life out of a snow bank, the first moment two people did that little “something so wrong that felt so right”…

What is known is that, many years ago on a frigid December night, when the first Non-Denominational Holiday Star was at its fullest and brightest, a manchild walked out of a forest of holiday trees wearing nothing… nothing but a red jacket, white shirt, bow tie, black pants, black socks and shoes, a Santa’s hat, and Christmas Hot Pants – he was also holding a martini glass filled with a perfect Hand-Squeezed Dirty Martini – and the gift of the holiday crooner was given back to the world!

I am a motivational speaker.  Let me ask you something.  How long does it take to be magnificent?  Two and a half years. To answer your question: Two and a half years.  That’s how long I’ve been growing my fingernails:  two and a half years and I am a motivational speaker. My goal is to be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

What does it take to become great?  What does it take to be magnificent? – It takes Tenacity, Hard Work, Focus, Fortitude, Stick-To-Itiveness… Sacrifice!

And acronym I call THWFFSTIS

Tenacity – Hard Work:  I’m a finger nail biter!  Every day I want to bite my nails!  Every day.   But I stay….
Focused:  I want to be magnificent – the best – I want to be in “The Book.”
Fortitude:  To stand alone.  My wife left me two and a half years ago.  I chose to do this – to be great – she left me.
Stick-To-Itiveness:  I’ve been alone for two and a half years.  No woman wants her genitals to be touched with these fingernails.  With these fingernails I cannot even touch my own genitals!  I have to have somebody come in to help me – do simple things – touch my genitals, go to the bath room, to bath me, to feed me – Cook for Me!  Really, do you think I can be around fire?  I cannot be around an oven – I cannot flip a pancake.  I cannot drive a car.  I cannot make my bed.  I cannot work out.  I cannot go to a gym.  Imagine me on an elliptical machine. I have canker sores in my armpits!
Sacrifice:  It takes Sacrifice to be magnificent, and these are the sacrifices I make.  This is what I do to be magnificent.

Look for my new book “Magnificent!” to be on line in 2013.

You will not get a signed autographic copy of the book because I can’t hold a pen…  because of my fingernails.